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Friday, July 2nd, 2004
12:09 pm - Jeebus, am I twelve?
So I was reading over my past entries and I see that I use words like "chick" and "lameass" a lot. Now, one reading my journal for the first time might think that I'm a 12 year old boy or whatnot. Actually, I'm a 25 year old woman, if you can believe that. Sooo...if you're new to this journal, rest assured that I use such terminology as "chick" in a deeply ironic and subvertive way.

Also: boobies. Heh.

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12:05 pm - fan fic goodness
So here I am chiming in after well over a year. I'm popping up to post my full answers to a fic fic survey I took over at veggiebelle's LJ.

1. How did you first come across fan fiction?
I was an X-Files fan and a die-hard Mulder/Scully shipper. Since Chris Carter explicitly told the fans that the two agents would never get together, I had to turn to fan fiction to give me what the show creators refused to.

2. What do you look for in fan fiction?
First and foremost, the writer MUST capture the characters' voices. There's nothing worse than seeing dialogue that a character would never say on the show. Second, I look for an original plot that is as interesting as the character relationships. I'm not much of a PWP fan, because I feel that the quality is severely limited in those stories. Lastly, of course I'm seeking out some sort of pairing that appeals to me.

3. What do you see as the best aspects of fan fiction, in general or with specifics?
What I find most enjoyable about fan fiction is the way that it allows fans to engage in an active relationship with the show they love. They're not just passively watching the show, they're allowing the stories they see to spark their own creative impulses. Many talented writers get exposure they would never get otherwise.

What's also wonderful about fan fiction is that fans get a chance to explore storylines that might be too taboo for network televisions. It's a chance for fans to deviate from what the networks deem is "appropriate" and think outside that box. For example, the Smallville HoYay fans totally subvert the masculine ideal of the Superman mythology by pairing Clark and Lex together in their stories. They take Superman, the very model of manliness, and apply a queer lens to the story.

Overall, I think fan fiction makes for better fans. People are choosing to have a dialogue with each other about a piece of literature and they are springboarding from that and using it as inspiration to create their own literature.

4. What do you see as the worst aspects of fan fiction, in general or with specifics?
The worst aspects are that fans tend to stretch canon a bit thin sometimes, which leads to poorly characterized stories. Also, since the internet allows any hack to publish at will, writers tend to have poor discipline. Even the most talented writers in this world have editors for a reason, and I think the genre will always be limited as long as writers refuse to rework their material. There's an enormous potential to create really cutting edge works of fiction here, but until a group of writers decides to sit down and really apply the red pen to their work, I think fan fiction will likely never rise above the level of really good pulp.

Also, because the internet is so spread out, trying to track down those good fics in the middle of all the lousy fic (poor spelling, plots that make no sense, etc) is really difficult. I've read too many stories that were just horrible, and yet the reviews posted all rave about the writer.

5. (For Writers Only) What inspired you to begin writing fan fiction?
I read a lot of really great stories out there and realized the enormous potential for creativity that these fandoms offered.

6. (For Writers Only) Why do you write fan fiction?
Partly because I love the shows and I can't suppress the urge to want to "fix" them when I feel they've gone astray (Buffy, for example, completely flew off the rails in Season 6 and 7 I believe). Also, I've always been a writer, so this is just another good way for me to exercise my writing ability. And yes, the praise heaped upon a story when I do a good job is sort of intoxicating.

7. (For Writers Only) Do you write NC-17 fic? Why or why not?
I personally don't, because I find it hard to write a good sex scene that doesn't devolve into horrible cliches. Also, I like to think that the driving force behind my writing is a solid plot that is engaging even without getting explicit about sex.

8. (For Writers Only) Do you write "slash" fic? Why or why not?
Yes, most of my fiction tends to be slash. For me, those are usually the pairings that attract me the most, because on the shows gay relationships tend to get the short end of the stick. Even when it's a canon pairing such as Willow and Tara, the networks refuse to give such relationships equal treatment. So I know that if I want to see a well written story about a particular gay or lesbian couple, I'm going to have to write it myself, since the show clearly will never give it to me.

9. Is there anything else you'd like to say on the subject? Anything at all?
I have lots of opinions on uber-fiction, which I think is a unique form of fan fiction, especially in the Xena-verse, but I don't have time right now. If anyone would like to engage in a dialogue specifically about uber-fic, that would be peachy.

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Tuesday, January 14th, 2003
6:24 pm - I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way
Sooooo...went on a date the other night with this girl I met via the online personals. And while we didn't have much in the way of sparkage, she was mad cool and we had a lot in common. So while not much happened in the romance department, on the plus side I think I have a fun new friend. Does that qualify as a success story? I mean, sure she didn't turn out to be my type, but then again, she wasn't 1) psycho 2) hideously ugly (she just wasn't my type) or 3) hideously boring.

I was also just contacted by a lesbo couple who apparently are just looking for new friends. And no, I don't think that's a euphamism for anything else. We'll see. I asked for a picture. If they're both hot, maybe I can persuade them to consider...alternative activities for 3. Heh.

Not much else to report. I've got a game this upcoming weekend, and then one more match at the end of the month, and then I'm all done with rugby until the move. It sucks - I'm going to miss rugby when I'm Hawaii. I have big plans to start a women's 7s league when I get there, but it still won't be the same.

current mood: tired

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Tuesday, July 9th, 2002
9:49 pm - where the fuck is everyone?
Wow, things have been silent out there in LiveJournal land. Where are all you people?

Anyway, I get to go to Denver this Thursday. Normally, I'd be all excited, but since I'm supposed to be packing and getting ready to go to Biloxi for the next three months, I'm sort of annoyed that I'm going. Talk about bad timing...

June was a very regretful month for me. I keep thinking about all the things I would've done differently. Most of all, I wish I had gone home earlier - I would've been there for my grandparents' party, I wouldn't have wasted so much vacation time, and I would've been there for my cousin's wedding. Plus, then I would have had all last week to pack, since I would've had so many days off of work anyway. Now, I go and sit at work, even though I have nothing to do and my stuff sits at home unpacked. Ah well, hindsight is 20/20 and my foresight is 20/20000000000.

Note: if I see that fucking "Can you hear me now?" commercial one more time, I'm going to go to Hollywood, hunt that actor down and kill him. And then I'm going to kill the stupid ad guy who wrote that commercial in the first place. (I'm just kidding, in case someone out there actually thinks I'm being serious and calls the cops on me or something)

current mood: tired

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Friday, July 5th, 2002
1:23 am - Hey! Don't you feel patriotic!?
Happy 4th of July. I didn't do much today, except chill out with the parental units. We saw Minority Report (which wasn't half bad) and then went out on the lake to watch the fireworks. It was pretty cool to see the show from our boat. The only tragedy is that certain people who backed out on me this weekend couldn't be here to play with me.

Tomorrow is dinner with the grandparents, and then a night out on the town with my good friend from high school, Chris. Woo!

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Friday, June 28th, 2002
6:06 pm - nuggets of hope
So I just found out that this really cute girl that I have a crush on swings both ways. I always assumed she was straight. Now there is a chance - however slight - that I could hook up with her. Whee! Not only is she mad cute, she's also just about to finish up her PhD program. :D

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Wednesday, June 26th, 2002
11:50 pm - where does the time go
Not much to report, other than the fact that I am on Day 6 of a meat-free existence. For all of you who may wonder why, I decided spontaneously to give up meat for a year (until June 21, 2003, to be exact). And no, certain ex-girlfriends who shall go unnamed have nothing to do with it. I thought it would be an interesting test of my mental discipline. We'll see how long it lasts, since I have a long stretch coming up where I have to eat in a communal dining hall, and I've been told it's not exactly vegetarian friendly.

I'm tired as hell, and I was planning on using this week to get a lot of my errands done during work hours. But my stupid friend had to run his mouth off to the boss about how we have no work, so now we're getting slammed with stupid bullshit tasks, like writing performance reports and award nominations for people we don't even supervise. It's all very sucky.

I get to go home for a week starting this Saturday. Yey! I had to break down today and buy a skirt/blouse ensemble, because I was told very emphatically by my mother that I would not be allowed to wear a pantsuit to my cousin's wedding. Damn her. I take a slight satisfaction in knowing that the top I chose will reveal my tattoo to the entire family, which should piss her off. Mwahahaha. It's the little victories in life that matter, people.

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Monday, June 24th, 2002
12:12 am - Windy City blues
Just got back from my weekend in Chicago. It was dramatic, as always. And it was hot, which sucked, because I finally escape 1000+ miles north of this wretched city, and yet I still manage to endure 92 degree days! Arrgh.

We saw actual lesbians while we were out and about, which was funny. I mean, sure, they were lame lesbians, but it was still amusing. We went to Girlbar, which was the kind of place that would be hella cool if you were there with a big posse of your friends, but it's not the kind of place you would go to meet hot chicks, ya know? Anyhoo, as we all know, lesbians don't know how to dance, but we did our best to get the party started on the dance floor. When we went on the dance floor, we were the only 2 out there, but when we left, there were like 30 girls cheerily dancing (badly).

Chicago is kind of rough to get around without a car. I mean, you can do it, but the bus system there is apparently run by the dark lord of the underworld, Satan. Satan's buses taunted us by coming 5 minutes apart on the wrong side of the street, while we sat for over an hour on our side waiting for a bus that never came. It was maddening, I tell you.

Back here at home I am watching the first Star Trek movie. And wow, is it the worst movie ever, or what? Bad directing, bizarre plot, awful costumes... And there are soooooo many anal jokes available that it's not even funny. In the last ten minutes, Spock has said "orifice", "probe", and "thrust". Hee! Oh, AND it has the dad from 7th Heaven (one of the worst shows on TV), so I shouldn't be surprised that it sucks. Aaaahhhh...I wish the Star Trek IV was on instead. Mind melding whales, whee.

Okay, off to bed. I'm exhausted.

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Sunday, May 5th, 2002
11:40 pm - I'm sick of bi-curious girls
We had a birthday party for one of our ruggers today. It was a very frustrating day, and I didn't have as much fun as I wished I could have. First of all, Betty was at the party, but she was there with her boyfriend, and I felt like she was acting really distant towards me. So then I got all paranoid, like she regretted hooking up, or that maybe she had decided she didn't really like me after all. All of this made me extremely annoyed, so I decided to flirt with the cute sister of one of my friends (coincidentally, she's a Smith grad, for any of you who care).

I was getting along real well with the sister, and I suddenly started thinking, "Hey, maybe things will work out with this chick, so that after Betty leaves, I can move on to this girl (who we'll call Alison)." Then I come to find out that, yes, she has a girlfriend, and yes, said girlfriend is present at the party. At this point, I am really frustrated, because I realize that all the fucking bisexual and bi-curious women who seem to be at every turn are all either too scared to go through with it, or they are already taken.

Needless to say, I was feeling pretty miserable, especially since everyone around me seemed to be having so much fun. It sucks to be the killjoy at a party, so I tried to keep my misery to myself and smile nice and all. Still, Betty cornered me at one point, so we ended up talking for awhile about why I was upset. I explained that she was being really confusing towards me -- one day she's pulling me into the bathroom for a frantic makeout session and the next it's all cold turkey. She apologized and said that it was just hard because the boyfriend was there and all our friends were lurking around, so there was no good time to be together. All of this is fine, in theory, but the reality of it still sucks. Then she tells me that she got all upset when she saw me talking to Alison, because it made her really jealous. And on one hand, it was sort of nice to hear, because I was a little bummed watching her with her boyfriend, and knowing that she cared about me was nice. But on the other hand it was frustrating, because she and I obviously really like each other, but there's nothing to be done about it.

In other news, I found out that yet another girl on my team who I have a minor crush on (nothing to the extent of the Betty crush, thank god) is a bisexual. *Sigh*...yet another girl to torture me....

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Saturday, May 4th, 2002
12:30 pm - see how I spend my nights?
Got back from DC last night, but I had missed my big important rugby banquet. So I didn't get a chance to see any of the awards or receive my own awards. Sadness!

Still, I hustled downtown and caught up with the girls, who were already three sheets to the wind by the time I got there. Several shots later (thoughtfully provided by my friends) and I was on the same level. Does anyone else notice that women's homoerotic urges come out in full force when they start drinking? I sure notice...but that is because all these girls seem to like to kiss, grab or otherwise fondle me when we go out drinking. And yes, I was dragged into the bathroom at one point to have a quickie makeout session with the girl I hooked up with last week. The really bizarro part is that there were two bathrooms, unisex, that could accomodate one person each. And while I was getting dragged into one of them, I glanced over and saw her boyfriend waiting in line for the other. And yet he didn't suspect a thing. Huh.

Anyhoo, back to the homoeroticism...one of the other girls on my team kept kissing me all night long - on the lips, on the neck, and yes, on that incredibly sensitive earlobe. Oh yeah, and at one point she felt the need to nip my nipple through my shirt. I was like, "Uh......" Probably one of the few moments in my life that I haven't had anything to say. I also like how all of this attention comes after I hooked up with the current girl (who we'll call Betty, in order to protect the innocent). What's the saying? "When it rains, it pours." I suppose after a two year dry spell, I'm sort of due.

The only bad thing about last night was that I was too drunk and tired this morning to get up for football tryouts. So now I have to wait until the 18th. Ah well....

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Sunday, April 28th, 2002
11:57 am - sweet jesus...
Let me sum up the last few bizarre days with the words of a woman much more eloquent than myself...

the whole night
we can touch
touch our girl cheeks
and we can hold hands
like paper dolls
we can try
try each other on
in the privacy
within new york city's walls
we can kiss
kiss goodnight
and we can go home wondering
what would it be like if
if i did not have a boyfriend
and we could spend
the whole night

i am waking up
in her bed
i sing 1st avenue
the open window said
always late to sleep
late to rise
lying here watching the day go by
in the living room
there are people on the carpet
having stupid conversations
just to hear themselves talk
and i am drifting through
i am heading for the kitchen
i am thinking of her fingers as i walk...

i cannot name this
i cannot explain this
and i really don't want to
just call me shameless
i can't even slow this down
let alone stop this
and i keep looking around
but i cannot top this

if i had any sense
i guess i'd fear this
i guess i'd keep it down
so no one would hear this
i guess i'd keep it down
so no one would hear this
i guess i'd shut my mouth
and rethink a minute
but i can't shut it now
'cuz there's something in it

we're in a room without a door
and i am sure without a doubt
they're gonna wanna know
how we got in here
and they're gonna wanna know
how we plan to get out
we better have a good explanation
for all the fun that we had
'cuz they are coming for us, babe
and they are going to be mad
yeah they're going to be mad at us

this is my skeleton
this is the skin it's in
that is according to light
and gravity
i'll take off my disguise
the mask you met me in
'cuz i got something
for you to see
just gimme your skeleton
give me the skin it's in
yeah baby, this is you
according to me
i never avert my eyes
i never compromise
so never mind
the poetry

i gotta cover my butt 'cuz i covet
another man's wife
i gotta divide my emotions
into wrong and right
then i get to see how close i can get to it
without giving in
then i get to rub up against it
till i break the skin
rub up against it
till i break the skin

they're gonna be mad at us
thy're gonna be mad at me and you
thy're gonna be mad at us
and all the things
we wanna do

just please don't name this
please don't explain this
just blame it all on me
say i was shameless
say i couldn't slow it down
let alone stop it
and say you just hung around
'cuz you couldn't top it

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Monday, April 22nd, 2002
6:00 pm - yey rugby
This past weekend I travelled many many many hours by car to the Western Rugby Championships in Little Rock Arkansas. So, we check in at 3am, which sucked because we had to wake up at 7:00am. Anyhoo, we wake up and I stagger down to the free breakfast buffet in the lobby. And who do I see as I am perusing the bagel bar? Meredith Rose. Of all the people in the world to randomly run into, there she was, in the flesh. It was tres exciting. We scared all the people in the area with our joyful squealing. It was a very happy surprise, indeed.

The rest of the weekend was equally awesome - I played awesome rugby, my team kicked ass the whole time, I got to spend some quality time with Mere, and I was free to be as out as I wanted. All in all, it was the best weekend I've had in forever. My body isn't even too fucked up - just a few minors bruises and whatnot. The only bad part was having to drive back last night. I had to go to work on 4 hours of sleep, which, after a weekend of non-stop rugby, was brutal.

Anyhoo, I'm all psyched now. This weekend was just what I needed to perk me up. A big, gay, rugby weekend. To quote the lovely Cryan: "Lesbian rugby players.... well, I guess you can't spell 'rugby' without 'rug'." Hee!

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Sunday, April 14th, 2002
4:20 pm - losing sucks eggs
Just got back from a two day rugby tourney. It was cool, except that I played like shit today and basically cost us the game. Not too fun, especially since I fucked up the game for this team that I was just helping out by whoring out with them. I hate losing, but I hate disappointing people even more, and feeling like you let 14 other girls down because you didn't have your head on straight is the worst feeling ever.

Still, I had fun last night and got blitzed out of my mind (not eating anything all day except an apple and then drinking a lot will do that to you). One of the guys from the mens team who was out with us at one point asked me if I liked girls. And while it felt like it was sort of a random thing to bring up, at least he had the balls to ask me to my face, which was cool of him. I know some of the girls on my team suspect - I've heard the rumblings - but none of them have asked me directly. Which is fine, because as long as they're not asking, I'm not offering.

I'm tired and sore now, so I'm off to take a nap. Then it's off to an actual gay bar tonight so I can watch Queer as Folk.

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Monday, April 8th, 2002
11:27 pm - love, death & taxes
My taxes? Still not done.

My love life? Non-existent

My death? Yet another day closer.


On a happier note, before any of you die, you all must go see Kissing Jessica Stein. It was such a good movie.

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Wednesday, April 3rd, 2002
5:16 pm - freebies
www.atomfilms.com Lotsa free short films. Lovely stuff. A few favorites: The Dinner Party in drama; Love, Death & Cars in gay and lesbian; and Acquiring a Taste for Raphaella in women auteurs

I feel like I should clarify my last entry. When I say "I saw the NCAA women's championship" I mean I had the most badass tickets ever -- Row 1, Seat 16, Section 121. Amazing.

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Monday, April 1st, 2002
10:55 pm - viva women
Saw the finals of the NCAA women's championship last night. Fucking awesome. Go Huskies! Of course, today I was very tired, because I went partying afterwards. Alas, I did not see any of the players out and about.

Life is pretty dull, but I felt like posting, because I hadn't in awhile. Oh, and silent1c? I too was totally addicted to G-String Divas on HBO. Jordan was my absolute favorite stripper, because she was bisexual and also because she was hot. And yeah, the idea of the 5 of us showing up one day on a documentary like that is really frightening. But I think they need to get your consent to show your face on feature films like that (hence all the pixalated out people on the Real World in the background). Otherwise, we can sue. Which is a good thing, because I'd lose my job if the people I work for saw me getting a lap dance from the assorted strippers we encountered while in New Orleans.

Okay, that's all. Made it through today without killing myself, so that's good.

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Monday, March 25th, 2002
11:43 pm - helllllllllllppppppppppp!
My uterus is revolting! Noooooooo! I hate this time of month, it makes me all crampy and bloody and depressed. Arrrgh.

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Sunday, March 10th, 2002
1:30 pm - slippery!
How did I spend last night? you ask. Well, I watched some rugby (yey!) and then hung out with the opposing team for awhile. It was cool to make news friends in other cities. Anyhoo, after the match there was oil wrestling. Yeah, you read that right. And let me tell you, some of these girls were fucking HOT. They had an auction where you could bid to oil the girl up on stage, and some of the girls went for almost $100. It was mad crazy. I really wanted to bid, but I thought better of it. They all these wild outfits, which mainly consisted of string bikinis, leather, and latex. Yowza. Before the wrestling I was hanging out with the girls who were getting ready and as I walked into the one girl's apartment, out strode this gorgeous blonde (5'7", perfect ass, probably a 36D cup) in nothing but her bra and panties. She just waved at us and continued to run around her place in her underwear. *Sigh*....I love eye candy sometimes...

Anyhoo, the girls from the team were a lot of fun, and now I have an in with them, so I got invited to all these tournaments and matches to play with them. Big fun. You can never get enough rugby, ya know?

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Friday, March 1st, 2002
6:15 pm - Paradise - Days 3 & 4
Wednesday was sort of a bust, since there weren't any surfers at the North Shore. Apparently the surf has not been up lately, so no surfing excitement for us. The drive was still pretty awesome. We took advantage of the nice weather and went swimming in Haunama Bay with da feeshes. Very purdy.

Yesterday was a shopping day. First we went to Leonard's and had fresh hot malasadas for breakfast. Next we made our way over to this radical little used book store that has all this new age crap lying around. I bought myself a tarot deck (my very first, whee!). Then we hit the Ward Center shopping complex and bought some more random crap. We picked up the fam and made our way over to Todai's for an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet. I stuffed myself full of crab, sushi, tempura, lobster, and other goodies all night long. Yum yum. The food is too damn tasty here - I fear I will have gained 20 pounds by the time I go home. But I have to get my fill now, since you can't get food like this on the mainland.

In other news, I am already starting to slip into local speak. I keep catching myself saying little pigeon english phrases and spouting Hawaiian slang.

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Wednesday, February 27th, 2002
8:42 am - Paradise - Day 2
Yesterday we went down to Waikiki and spent most of the day bumming around there. I'm starting to get a cold, so that sort of sucks, but I will not let illness deter me from enjoying my vacation, dammit. It was funky snorkling with a head cold - I thought my brain was going to explode from all the pressure.

It was all very tourist-y stuff yesterday. We walked around and looked at all the cheesy souveneirs. Then we went on a sunset dinner cruise, which was pretty awesome.

Not much else to report, other than my family is insane, but in a sort of eccentric, charming way. Today we're off to watch the surfers on the North Shore. Whee.

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